On the Brink

That's where I feel right now.

Not in a negative, despondent way, but in a way that is challenging and inspiring and motivating.

Fall always does this for me.  I feel both renewed and nostalgic, full of big plans and bigger dreams.  The crisp air and clear blue sky is refreshing in so many ways.

And this year, I feel on the brink.  On the brink of becoming motivated and creative and active.  On the edge of pushing myself, but just not sure how to truly get there.  Tiptoes hesitant to move forward.

It's a strange transition, this motherhood.  I love every minute spent with Harper.  Truly.  Her needs are immediate, and I meet them - love, spit up, diapers, playtime, and all.  Yet it's strange to not be facing deadlines or homework or appointments.  There's both so much to do yet so little.  It's easy to push something off to the next naptime, or the next day, or the next week.  Beyond caring for my baby, nothing else is urgent, and I'm feeling a bit adrift.  A bit wanting.

The days are beautiful and tinged with spirit.  I want to embrace it.  I want to make more of it all.  I want to make more of my time and be creative and have fun and make Harper giggle.  I want to do it all.  I am on the brink of leaping into this season and this new role.

I just need a little push...