Sometimes, I find myself feeling trapped by the overlapping and connecting and independent circles that carry us from one moment to the next. Minute to minute. Year to year. The circles that are created naturally, with little thought or effort.
Our lives are set to the cyclical rhythms found in nature. Day to night to day. Hours passing and starting anew. And somehow, we unconscionably - and consciously - create our own.
There is so much comfort to be found in the circles. They ground is. They pattern our days and create predictability. We seamlessly create our own circles, small and quick, large and endless... We build these circles of time and find our place within their arcs.
Yet that same comfort and safety found in our patterned loops can become... encircling (get it? ugh).
Trapped in the circle and forced to keep going round and round, passing the beginning just to take a ride around again, wearing a tread so deep that the walls begin to build up around you with no warning.
I think this is a common sentiment for those with small children. Or anyone with a job... Or basically anyone in the world.
I love the schedules of our days. I am a planner and have not a shred of impulsiveness (just ask Kacy). I like predictable. I like calm. I like to be in control.
But there are some days when it just feels like Groundhog's Day, ya know? Where I wonder if I really am going to go through the entire cycle of our day all over again. Didn't I fill bottles yesterday? Didn't I wash that highchair tray approximately one billion times yesterday? Didn't that get vacuumed already? Even though each day usually holds some fresh experience, it feels like life is on one endless loop, ready to repeat again the next day.
All of this sounds depressive and whiny, I know. It is, but I don't intend for it to be. Instead, I want to be able to recognize this feeling and act on it. I've been in a funk. No real reason. Summertime sadness, perhaps. But I think I begin to feel this way when I stop actively seeking out different. When I become complacent in my circles and become unwilling to veer a little off track, out of the rut.
Not really sure how I'm going to combat it. But the first step is acknowledging it, right?
I want to embrace our circles and find ways to find joy in them. I want to jump out of line a little too.
As summer hits it's stifling peak here, I'm going to work on doing just that. And if anything, maybe the cyclical changing of the seasons will bring new circles to jump into and enjoy.