Our Small Group - And How It Changed Our Lives

(Our whole small group - kids included!)

Two years ago, our friends Mikey and Kacy asked if we wanted to be in their newest small group.  They had been in one for the prior two years - we knew it was through the church that they went to (and loved), and we knew they met weekly, but that was about it.  We did know that they seemed to really enjoy it and had met lots of new people because of it.  So, honestly, in the interest of maybe getting a few friends, we said yes.

One of the best decisions ever.

To start, Tony and I aren't exactly the most outgoing people you will ever meet.  And when it came to religion, we were pretty private about it. We had both grown up in relatively traditional churches and were a little weirded out by the "all about it" types {still am, to a degree ;) }.  Talking about anything with others, let alone spiritual or even kindasorta spiritual subjects, wasn't really something we would have pegged ourselves as being into.

But a funny thing happened when we joined that group.  Yes, we made friends (yes!).  But, we also found a place where we could genuinely connect to other couples in a similar stage of life as us (youngish married with kids) and talk about things that really mattered.  Sure, we did some book study type things on books of the Bible or religious books or parenting or marriage books, which were all great.  We learned some good info.  We joined their church and have become connected in ways that we never would have otherwise.  We are actively living our faith in a way we never did before.  And we like it!

But what mattered the most was the true community that developed between all of us.  They call it "doing life" together - in circles, not in rows.  What stands out most are those deep conversations we had about whatever, anything - anything that was important to someone at that point in their life.  Sometimes the conversations were very sad, sometimes frustrating, sometimes we celebrated a victory or a success and sometimes we cried with others about their heartbreaks or disappointments.  We knew what was going on with each of these 4 other couples each week.  We knew what was really going on in their hearts - and they knew what was happening in ours.

When you make a commitment to be open and honest each week with 8 other people who are mostly strangers, you develop a type of bond that is like no other.  You have people who can hold you accountable, who know the good and the bad, who know your story and want to be a part of the rest of it moving forward.  There are no secrets.  These people want to build you up and support you and help you achieve everything you have ever wanted.  They want to be there through the hard times and are always there to help or give advice.  

They are more than just friends.

Our group made a commitment at the beginning to be true, genuine, deep, and not "surfacey."  We didn't want it to be acceptable to answer the question "how are you doing" with a "fine" when things really weren't fine at all.  We wanted each other to ask the hard questions and to keep us on track with whatever it may be, even if that meant questioning a decision or pointing out a flaw. We wanted to really let each other into our lives - and we did just that.

When we started, we weren't yet pregnant or trying to be, and all of the other couples already had at least two kids.  So it was really so amazing to get true insight into parenting life and see couples a few years further down the road than we were.  We absorbed info like sponges.  We temporarily wavered with our decision to have a kid at all (kidding. sort of.)  Funny thing is, each of the women ended up being pregnant and having a baby at some point during the two year group   Something in the group water.

(All the kiddos!  So many!  The whole bottom row has only happened after our group started!)

Some Monday nights were more productive than others.  The good nights were always when there were tears (sometimes good, sometimes bad).  Sometimes we just had fun and enjoyed each other's friendship.  Other times we talked about our relationship with God, prayed for important things, or got into how a decision was weighing on us.  We always got something out of it, each night.  It's a pretty big commitment to put one night a week down as taken, to find babysitting, to get everything done to be able to spend a few hours at someone's house (ok, this was all pretty easy for us).  But it was so, so worth it.

Our new group began this week (I was too sick to go, bah!).  I was so sad to leave our other group - I already hate that I don't know the details of what's going on in each person's life each week.  Yet we made some amazing friendships that I know will last on.  I want to continue to be a part of each of their lives, as they have become such a big part of mine.  And I'm so excited to develop this same bond with some new couples as well.

I'll finish this up by stealing words Janna wrote on the subject, since she put it much more eloquently than I ever could.  (See, if you're in a group, you have license to plagiarize each other)

I know there are groups that aren't real, aren't vulnerable, and aren't authentic. Our group is none of those. We are surrounded by a fake world that is more concerned with appearance than the heart. Our small group is a safe place we can be open, honest, fully vulnerable, and fully receive grace and encouragement instead of condemnation.

Oh, and to continue with the stealing, here's the best endorsement ever from Kim:

I can honestly say I love these people.  I would even hug some of them, and I hate hugs and touching in general so yeah.

Joining a small group was a great decision for us and it really has changed our lives.  Something really fantastic happens when you move beyond rows and into circles.  We hope to never go without one again.