Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Things I did today that were stupid

Things I did today that were stupid:

- I decided to make pinto beans for Harper from scratch, like from the bean, not the can. Wait so I have to soak them?? Ugh. Glad I know exactly what's going into her food, but next time girl is getting canned. And seriously, I have refried beans for a million people over here, if you're interested.

- I spent all of glorious nap times finishing a book.  And being mad at the book.

- I went outside. Yes, it was a glorious day, all 80s and sunshine. But I've sounded like a toad for a week because of the awful pollen that coats every single inch of everything these days, and now I'm toadier. My neck is red from me clawing at it like a bird every time I cough the sandpaper pipsqueak cough. But we went outside. And swung (swang?) and Harper loved it. Worth it. [proof]

- I looked In the mirror today in full midday light, baby on hip, wet hair slicked back into a messy knot, no makeup in sight, wearing a black tee shirt that may or may not be maternity still, eyes red and watery from said pollen, dabs of banana here and there, and really looked. And that was the stupid part. I really looked. And for the first time ever, literally ever, I said to myself: I look old.

- Most stupidly: I wallowed. Ever do that? (Ha no one ever, right?) Like, I got hung up on one little sad thing (not the being old, I accepted that, something else) and it snowballed. Everything "went wrong" from the moment I decided I was sad and pitiful. Harper rubbed squash inside her eyeball for the hundredth time and I determined she was out to get me. She pooped through literally 3 outfits too (who knows why) and she was clearly trying to get in my head. I had quite a few dishes to do and OMG ALL I EVER DO IS DISHES AND LAUNDRY AND POOP PATROL AND SNEEZE annnnd you get the idea. I indulged my bad attitude and sads for a while, shed a tear, Tony let me, kindly, and then I apologized for wallowing. I don't want to be a wallower. Allowing a bad attitude to take root and fester is a slippery slope. I've been down that slope in varying degrees and for varying lengths of time these past few post-baby months, but I want to try to snap out of it when I can. Out of the mud, wallower.


  1. YES.
    Totally happens.
    I totally looked in the mirror, saw the same thing you did, and "Huh. I got old-ish." I think sleep deprivation does that.
    And being mad at books? I was SO irritated that The Hunger Games book #1 ended without any conclusion. I swore I wasn't going to finish the series to... I don't know... punish the author? Because she/he totally cares, right? However, I may or may not currently be halfway through Catching Fire and I think I've forgiven the author. For now. I'm very fickle.
    You're awesome for even TRYING to make pinto beans from scratch (who does that?), and for noticing your wallowing and making an effort to extract yourself from it. ;) We all wallow. It happens. I blame pinterest. You rock, you know. :)

    1. thanks sarah! you always know how to make a girl feel better :)

  2. sometimes at night after all the chores of the day are done I catch myself in the mirror and the word haggard comes to mind...

    Note to self, look in the mirror more in the morning when I look more refreshed!

    1. haggard is so right!!! maybe i should actually fix my self up in the morning and there would be less of that my evening

  3. So much to say:

    I didn't like the ending of that book either! Chad read it too and thought it was okay but a little too drastic at the end.

    I know exactly how you feel about wallowing -- you don't want to do it but sometimes the moment allows you to and you want to feel miserable and sorry for yourself. Luckily, we have husbands who help pull us out of that and you have a babe who looks and smiles at you which helps you get out of the funk.

  4. I know this was last week and you probably had an excellent weekend to bring you out of it, but I feel ya.

    And can I borrow that book if it's not an e-book? Will it make me mad? I've been wanting to read it...


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